Thursday, May 7, 2009

control dramas

what i'm about to write is something that's very profound, or at least it was to me when i first discovered it. although i learned about the concept from a book of fiction, i believe there is much truth in it. they say "the truth will set you free," and i believe this has the potential to do just that. it comes from a book called "the celestine prophecy" by james redfield, in which there are several insights that humans need to understand before the human race can attain a higher level of consciousness. this is a summation of some of those insights, which I believe to be very insightful, despite the book's fictitious presentation.


ingesting food is the primary method of gaining physical energy, but this only helps the body and brain to function on a mechanical level. in order to feed the mind, soul and spirit one must obtain a different kind of energy not found in foods. eventually humans will see the universe as comprised of one dynamic energy -- an energy that can sustain us and respond to our expectations -- but we have been disconnected from the larger source of this energy. we have cut ourselves off, and having done so feel weak, insecure and lacking. in the face of this deficit, humans have always sought to increase our personal energy in the only manner we've known: by seeking to psychologically steal it from others, an unconscious competition that underlies all human conflict in the world.

when one person engages another in conversation, one of two things can happen: that person can come away feeling stronger or weaker. we prepare ourselves to say whatever we must in order to prevail in the conversation. each of us seeks to find some way to control and thus remain on top in the encounter. if we are successful, if our viewpoint prevails, then rather than feel weak we receive a psychological boost. when we control another human being we receive their energy. we fill up at the other's expense and the filling up is what motivates us. most people are in a constant hunt for someone else's energy. but humans must learn to gain energy from the universal source, not other humans.

to be open to this universal energy (as opposed to energy stolen from others) you have to connect, to use your sense of appreciation. when you successfully appreciate something, you allow the love that underlies all to enter you. when you appreciate the beauty and uniqueness of things you receive energy. when you get to a level where you feel love, then you can send the energy back just by willing it so. even though an alternative source of energy exists, we really can't stay connected with it until we come to grips with the particular method that we, as individuals, use in stealing others' energy and stop doing it. because whenever we fall back into this habit, we get disconnected from the universal source.

this habit of stealing energy is something we repeat over and over again, and is always unconscious at first. the key to letting it go is to bring it fully into consciousness. this is done by seeing that our particular style of controlling others is one we learned in childhood to get attention, to get the energy moving our way. this style, whatever it may be, is called our unconscious control drama. our parents and siblings operated in a drama themselves, trying to pull energy out of us as children. we had to have a strategy to win energy back. each person must reinterpret their family experience from a spiritual point of view, and discover who they really are. once we do this, we can go past these control dramas and see what is really happening. there are four main control dramas, two aggressive and two passive:


interrogator (aggressive):
sets up a drama of asking questions and probing into another person's world with the specific purpose of finding something wrong. once they do, they criticize this aspect of the other's life. if his strategy succeeds, the person being criticized is pulled into the drama. they find themselves becoming self-conscious around the interrogator and paying attention to what the interrogator is doing and thinking about, so as not to do something wrong that the interrogator would notice. this psychic deference gives the interrogator the energy he desires. interrogators pull you off your own path and drain your energy because you judge yourself by what they might be thinking.

intimidator (aggressive):
someone who threatens you, either verbally or physically. you are forced, for fear of something bad happening to you, to pay attention to them and so to give them energy. this is the most aggressive kind of drama.

poor me (passive):
someone who tells you all the horrible things that are already happening to them, implying perhaps that you are responsible, and that, if you refuse to help, these horrible things are going to continue. someone who makes you feel guilty when you're in their presence, even though you know there is no reason to feel that way. everything they say and do puts you in a place where you have to defend against the idea the you're not doing enough for them.

aloof (passive):
in order to get energy coming their way, they withdraw and look mysterious and secretive. they hope that you will be pulled into their drama and try to figure out what's going on with them. when you do, they remain vague, forcing you to struggle, dig and try to discern their true feelings, giving them your full attention, thus sending your energy to them. the longer they can keep you interested and mystified, the more energy they receive.


people use more than one drama in different circumstances, but most of us have one dominant control drama that we tend to repeat, depending on which one worked well on the members of our early family. a person goes to whatever extreme necessary to get attention energy in their family. and it turns out that more times than not an individual's control drama will be the inverse of their parent's drama.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

abecedarius

in poetry, an acrostic is a poem in which the first letters of successive lines form a recognizable pattern. one specific type of acrostic is an abecedarius, which is an acrostic in which the first letter of each line follows the order of an alphabet. this literary device is found in several places throughout the old testament of the bible (psalms, proverbs, and lamentations). this is only evident when read in the original hebrew text since it uses the hebrew alphabet.

well, many years ago when i first learned of this poetic device i immediately had to compose a poem using it. of course, i don't know hebrew so i just used plain ol' english. i had to cheat on the third from last line. i didn't want to be forced to use xerox, xenophobic or x-ray, so i decided that as long as the word started with the 'ex' sound that i'd let it slide. here is what i came up with:


a constellation of memories
blowing, tangled, through the breeze
catching wind and racing leaves
dancing through the maze of trees

every twist and turn is planned
far beyond the dawn of man
gods and goblins 'cross the land
have yet to fully understand

if knowing is really half the battle
just give me a mind, a horse, and saddle
knowledge is the road to bliss, and
love is more than just a kiss

memories condensed and scattered
never speak of high hopes shattered

only certain frames of mind
perceive the images of time
quietly they chant in rhyme

rebellion is the nature of these
self-degrading tendancies

though never seen with conscious eyes
understand these are not lies
vicious screams and tender sighs
whispered dreams and heartfelt cries

extremely real yet you can not see
you can not touch eternity
zestfully you plea to be free

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

cognitive dissonance

the usage of the word "ambivalence" has been relaxed over time, as is often the case in language. people sometimes use it to mean general uncertainty or indecisiveness (or when they should be using the word "ambiguous" instead), but it's really more specific than that. it's the state of having simultaneous, conflicting feelings (attractiveness and aversiveness) toward an object, person, or action. as unpleasant as this is to experience, it's a part of life and we all have to deal with it from time to time.

even more unpleasant and potentially more damaging is when one holds two contradictory ideas simultaneously. this is known as "cognitive dissonance". these contradictory ideas include one's beliefs, values, attitudes, or awareness of one's behavior, referred to henceforth as "cognitions". dissonance occurs when a person perceives a logical inconsistency between two of his/her cognitions. this can lead to negative emotional states such as anxiety, stress, guilt, shame, anger, fear, embarrassment, etc...

we, as humans, have a natural desire to reduce the level of dissonance in our cognition, ultimately trying to achieve "cognitive consonance"; the state of having all of one's cognitions in accordance with one another. consonance can be achieved in the face of dissonance by changing, justifying, or rationalizing one of the dissonant cognitions (or possibly by adding a new cognition).

for example, let's say that a man has a cognition, a belief, that he is a good person, and then engages in behavior which he considers to be that of a bad person, such as breaking the speed limit. the cognitive dissonance sets in as soon as he recognizes the inconsistency between the belief and the behavior. he could then try to resolve the dissonance by justifying the behavior: "i was only speeding because i was running late for an important meeting." or he could rationalize the behavior: "why not speed? everyone else does it." yet another way he might try to reconcile the dissonance is to change one of the cognitions. he can't go back in time to change the behavior, but he can change the belief that he is indeed a good person. this might be the least common route to cognitive consonance, but yet it is a possibility.

while the above example is valid, it's probably on the lighter side of dissonances that people experience. things can get quite heavy when issues arise of faith, friendship, parents, sex, monogamy, loyalty, money, etc... in extreme cases these can often lead to denial and other ego defence mechanisms that can push a person into sociopathic and maladaptive behaviors.

i've slowly been discovering that many of the problems i face in my life are due to cognitive dissonance. and not only the dissonance itself, but the methods i've chosen to resolve the dissonance. i think that i've too often chosen to alter my cognitions of self-perception so that i hold a negative self-image. and then other cognitions kick in so that i won't let myself be happy, and go so far as to punish myself for not being a good person. this allows me to fall into patterns of self-destruction, which lead me to "bottom out" so-to-speak. so the question i'm asking myself now is: "what is the healthiest way to achieve consonance while doing the least amount of damage to myself and those around me?"

Monday, May 4, 2009

best writing on television

the abc show "lost" is probably the best written television series to ever come across network airwaves, imo. the layers upon layers of mythology, philosophy, ethics, faith, science, social roles, and plot twists leave nothing to be desired, except more episodes and more answers. i've been saying for quite some time now that in the future we'll see college courses being taught on the literary analysis of lost (they already have courses analyzing star wars, so it's not that big of a leap).

any blog post that deals with specifics of lost episodes (esp anything from the current season) i'll be sure to precede with a spoiler alert for those who are catching up. but i might, from time to time, speak about the show in a non-specific capacity, which i will do without any spoiler alert of any kind.

until recently, i had no one to discuss lost with but strangers from cyber-space. one of my brothers watches it, but he lives in kc and i don't get much face-to-face time with him. but i'm happy to say that my mom, with influence from myself and her entire side of the family, has become addicted to the show as well, so i finally have someone with whom i can share my theories! my dad jokes that it is an addiction and we should all be going to L.A. (lost anonymous).

so if any of you have anything lost related that you'd like to discuss, i'd love to get into it with you. i'd also like to post a link to a lost fansite that i've found extremely interesting. it's some guy's take on what the show is really all about. i'm not 100% sure i agree with it, but it puts a new perspective on the show regardless of whether it's true or not. and it's just a thorough compilation of all things lost. click here